It's been one of those long stretches where I don't blog anything for a month, and I'm sorry for that. I also haven't been very good at making and posting videos either. Oops.
I realize that not everyone may be incredibly interested in my navel-gazing around the actual physical changes of transitioning. I totally get that, so I'm gonna start putting stuff like that at the end of posts. I'm still going to include it because I want a record for the future, and it's important to me to mark something that's fairly monumental in my life. In addition, before I started hormones and was first thinking about transitioning, I went online and read other transfolks' blogs like crazy to see what taking hormones was like. Hell, I still search out other transguys blogs and videos to see how fast things change. So if reading about my voice changes, acne, and all of that isn't exactly your cup of tea no worries.
I finished up my year with LC/NA, my Lutheran Volunteer Corps position, on a very strong note. For those of you living outside the Lutheran bubble, the ELCA Churchwide Assembly voted to change policy and allow people in publicly accountable, life-long, monogamous same-gender relationships to become rostered clergy. It was a pretty incredible moment to witness.
Aside from my job, the end of my LVC year was good. I really enjoyed living with my housemates, and I'm pleased that four of the five of us are in the Twin Cities this year. Over the course of the year they became more than just roommates and friends, and we built a strong community together. I'm pleased to count them among people I call family. Frankly, in some ways the end of the year felt anti-climactic. Moving out of Beth Shalom almost felt more like going on a vacation. Going back to lead snack and yak was really one of the first moments that it sunk in on a more visceral level that my LVC year was done. Even so, it wasn't sadness or disappointment or nostalgia. It was more a feeling of a closing of one chapter of my life and the beginning of another.
I do have a job, but frankly, I don't like it. It's at a company that does third party administration of benefits for companies. I don't totally know what's going on and what I'm supposed to be doing. It seems like I push a lot of paper. In addition, I'm having a hard time on the pronoun/gender identity front. I get tired of correcting the same people. I also get tired of the general sense of unease that my coworkers have when I join conversations and talk about Becky in the same way they talk about their spouses. The closed off body language, the refusal to make eye contact with me, the silence when I enter and the buzz of conversation when I leave a room. It wears down on you. And I haven't even been working here for a full pay period yet.
Needless to say, I'm looking for another job. I've set a deadline and if I don't find a job by then, I'm going to resign. It's not worth it for me to continue in a job that I don't care about, in an industry that sustains unequal access to healthcare, around people that don't share my values and aren't open to conversation, and that I come from completely drained emotionally. I want a job that I can work hard at and feel good about.
I'm feeling incredibly stressed and nervous about health insurance. I've been putting off going in for bloodwork because I can't pay it out of pocket, I also can't fill my prescription out of pocket. I won't be out of T really soon, but I'm still getting anxious. The prospect of potentially being slammed with a pre-existing condition is bad enough, but worrying about what happens if I am actually ill and can't get coverage for something unrelated to being trans has also been haunting me. Granted, a lot of that is me worrying about the worst possible scenario. Even so, insurance has been complicating my relationship with my job/job search.
On the transition front, I'm about to finish up my 15th week on testosterone. Changes I've noticed:
- My voice is continuing to drop, and I feel it more in my chest when I'm talking. It's this really pleasant feeling of the sound vibrating more through my chest, just like there's a lot more space.
- I'm growing a lot more body hair. In particular, I've got more underarm hair and more leg hair, and I'm starting to grow more hair on my lower belly.
- I smell more, and not always in pleasant ways.
- In a related vein, I need to be really diligent about washing my face because I am getting acne that is worse than what I had the first time around. Puberty 1.0 I had a few whiteheads and mostly blackheads that were easy to get rid of. Puberty 2.0 I'm getting that annoying angry red acne on my cheeks and along my jaw.
- More muscle mass in my shoulders/arms, which is nice, and helps me feel better about my body.
- More physical energy, and also mental/emotional energy.
- I generally feel better about life, and I feel a lot more stable internally. I'm happier, even with the crappy job I have.
Changes other people have commented on:
- My voice, which is good to know it's not just in my head.
- My face is starting to look more angular.
- My hips are becoming less curvy, more angular. This is really extremely exciting, and after it was pointed out to me I definitely noticed it more, and with great excitement.
- Becky pointed out to me (in a very tactful, nice way) that while I haven't been getting angry or short with anyone else, I've been a lot harder on myself. If I can't get something right the first time, or quickly, I've gotten frustrated by it. This is something I want to be mindful of and correct. I'm glad I haven't gotten short with anyone else, thank goodness, and I want to keep it that way. I want to continue practicing patience and calmness.
Here's my most recent video, it's from my 12th week on testosterone, you can definitely tell there my voice has been dropping, exciting!
Showing posts with label LC/NA. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LC/NA. Show all posts
Monday, September 14, 2009
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Change
I have been remiss in my blogging, and it's not just because I've abandoned my blog for youtube. I actually have been really bad about posting my youtube videos. Partially because I make them on my camera, then save them to my computer, then wait till I'm somewhere with internet to upload them. I actually have three videos sitting on my camera that I haven't even put on my computer, let alone posted on youtube. Oops.
I just got back on Monday from the first LVC retreat. It doesn't seem like I've been doing LVC for two and half months already, but I have. Retreat was.. not really very restful. The building we were in was stressful for me. It was loud and felt claustrophobic. My idea of retreat isn't being forced to interact with 35 people I don't really know. We also had two days of anti-racism training, which was good. I was challenged, but I also knew a lot of the material we covered because of some of my courses from college.
I'm off tomorrow morning on a 7am flight (ugh) for DC to participate in an RIC training. It should be interesting. It's going to be a compressed training, which is stressful in its own way. I'm also not really sure how many youth are going to be there. I think it'll be more Methodist youth, but that's ok. I'll be able to talk to the person who has my job with the Methodists, which will be good for me to more clearly define how to build a Lutheran youth network.
I've also been looking at the website change.gov recently. It's a website focused on the shift from the Bush administration to Obama's administration. It's really a pretty excellent website. You can apply for jobs, share your vision of the future, and really engage with the next administration. In addition, I am ecstatic because there's been an actual policy change shift already in the Obama administration. Here's the non-discrimination policy for the Obama-Biden Transition Project:
That's right, they slipped in gender identity. How awesome is that?
I just got back on Monday from the first LVC retreat. It doesn't seem like I've been doing LVC for two and half months already, but I have. Retreat was.. not really very restful. The building we were in was stressful for me. It was loud and felt claustrophobic. My idea of retreat isn't being forced to interact with 35 people I don't really know. We also had two days of anti-racism training, which was good. I was challenged, but I also knew a lot of the material we covered because of some of my courses from college.
I'm off tomorrow morning on a 7am flight (ugh) for DC to participate in an RIC training. It should be interesting. It's going to be a compressed training, which is stressful in its own way. I'm also not really sure how many youth are going to be there. I think it'll be more Methodist youth, but that's ok. I'll be able to talk to the person who has my job with the Methodists, which will be good for me to more clearly define how to build a Lutheran youth network.
I've also been looking at the website change.gov recently. It's a website focused on the shift from the Bush administration to Obama's administration. It's really a pretty excellent website. You can apply for jobs, share your vision of the future, and really engage with the next administration. In addition, I am ecstatic because there's been an actual policy change shift already in the Obama administration. Here's the non-discrimination policy for the Obama-Biden Transition Project:
The Obama-Biden Transition Project does not discriminate on the basis of race, color, religion, sex, age, national origin, veteran status, sexual orientation, gender identity, disability, or any other basis of discrimination prohibited by law.
That's right, they slipped in gender identity. How awesome is that?
Monday, September 22, 2008
long lazy monday
my supervisor isn't a work today, which means i don't have that much to do. currently i'm taking a break from calling all of our RIC congregations and finding out if they have youth groups, who the youth group contact/leader is, and putting that information into an excel file so i have a database of youth contacts and don't need to waste time hunting down the information later.
also this morning, bryan and i were the only people here at 9.. everyone else rolled in around 10:30-11. so that was fun. i would've stayed in bed for another hour or so if i had known.. oh well.
today i've been listening to lots and lots of cloud cult. in particular i've been enjoying "when water comes to life," journey of the featherless," "the ghosts inside our house" and "story of the grandson of jesus"
what else.. one of my friends was in norway and is returning tonight. i'm excited, i hope we get to hang out soon.
yeah. so i'm done procrastinating. i'm gonna go perambulate with bryan for 15 minutes.
also this morning, bryan and i were the only people here at 9.. everyone else rolled in around 10:30-11. so that was fun. i would've stayed in bed for another hour or so if i had known.. oh well.
today i've been listening to lots and lots of cloud cult. in particular i've been enjoying "when water comes to life," journey of the featherless," "the ghosts inside our house" and "story of the grandson of jesus"
what else.. one of my friends was in norway and is returning tonight. i'm excited, i hope we get to hang out soon.
yeah. so i'm done procrastinating. i'm gonna go perambulate with bryan for 15 minutes.
Friday, August 22, 2008
The Weekend
I had a bit of an eclectic weekend. First off, on Friday I got out of work early and biked over to Minneapolis to hang out with Quaking Aspen. I ended up getting confused and biked all the way to Lake Calhoun, which is about 9 miles from my house. So that was neat. After calling and biking back and getting more confused I actually managed to get to the appropriate place so that was cool. I got home without incident which was also cool.
We then went to our host family/contact family's house for dinner. That was a good time. Tasty vegetarian food, and we got a free book about churches being fully inclusive that David wrote. Molly and I attempted to find the Triple Rock Social Club in Minneapolis but failed. Which apparently should've been hard to do. Anyways, instead we went back to the house and had some vodka and grape juice and watched the first half of The Birdcage.
Saturday I cleaned out the closet in the back hall and turned it into a pantry so we don't have food all over the table in the kitchen. I get a lot of satisfaction out of organizing things, so that felt good. I went and used the internet and did some reading, then in the evening I rode the bus over to Minneapolis and walked around Uptown for a while before heading back home.
Sunday my whole house went to St. Paul Reformation church because they are our host congregation. They were really excited to have us there. I feel like some of them will be kind of bummed when we don't all go regularly, if any of us go regularly. I did some laundry and cleaned my room then went over to May Day Cafe and met up with Meghan. It was good to hang out with her, as usual, and I got to see her later that evening as well. Dinner, house meeting, then I went to the Townhouse with Meghan and Krista, we met up with a bunch of other people. We were really the only people there aside from a handful of regulars, which was ok. Meghan introduced me to Susan, a drummer in the area who could be a good addition to SFO once we are finally in the same area again.
So the past few days, especially after our first day of work, I've been thinking about my LVC position versus the jobs my housemates have. Initially, on Thursday and Friday I was feeling a little down on myself. Generally, I kept thinking that the work my housemates will be doing will be more helpful, it provides direct services or helps organize people and that my job is helping middle and upperclass white mainly gay and lesbian Lutherans feel comfortable at church. However, I have a brilliant friend who told me "is spiritual suffering not real?"
Upon further contemplation I realized that I tend to forget how much the church hurts people, how much the church has hurt me. I left the church for several reasons, but a main one was that I was tired of the bullshit and feeling half-welcome or unwelcome. I forget that church hurt is very valid and relieving church hurt is important. I also forget that while it seems like my organization is focused on middle-upperclass white people, many more people will be impacted by positive changes in the Lutheran church. The ELCA becoming more inclusive will have global implications. In addition, other denominations will be affected. In addition my organization is committed to being an anti-racist organization, and they are trying to include bisexual and trans people, and these are all good things. Basically, I feel better and while I'm sure I'll need to keep reminding myself not to compare any of our jobs since they all are important, I think I'm doing well on that front right now.
Ok. Epic post done. I'm gonna head home and have dinner.
We then went to our host family/contact family's house for dinner. That was a good time. Tasty vegetarian food, and we got a free book about churches being fully inclusive that David wrote. Molly and I attempted to find the Triple Rock Social Club in Minneapolis but failed. Which apparently should've been hard to do. Anyways, instead we went back to the house and had some vodka and grape juice and watched the first half of The Birdcage.
Saturday I cleaned out the closet in the back hall and turned it into a pantry so we don't have food all over the table in the kitchen. I get a lot of satisfaction out of organizing things, so that felt good. I went and used the internet and did some reading, then in the evening I rode the bus over to Minneapolis and walked around Uptown for a while before heading back home.
Sunday my whole house went to St. Paul Reformation church because they are our host congregation. They were really excited to have us there. I feel like some of them will be kind of bummed when we don't all go regularly, if any of us go regularly. I did some laundry and cleaned my room then went over to May Day Cafe and met up with Meghan. It was good to hang out with her, as usual, and I got to see her later that evening as well. Dinner, house meeting, then I went to the Townhouse with Meghan and Krista, we met up with a bunch of other people. We were really the only people there aside from a handful of regulars, which was ok. Meghan introduced me to Susan, a drummer in the area who could be a good addition to SFO once we are finally in the same area again.
So the past few days, especially after our first day of work, I've been thinking about my LVC position versus the jobs my housemates have. Initially, on Thursday and Friday I was feeling a little down on myself. Generally, I kept thinking that the work my housemates will be doing will be more helpful, it provides direct services or helps organize people and that my job is helping middle and upperclass white mainly gay and lesbian Lutherans feel comfortable at church. However, I have a brilliant friend who told me "is spiritual suffering not real?"
Upon further contemplation I realized that I tend to forget how much the church hurts people, how much the church has hurt me. I left the church for several reasons, but a main one was that I was tired of the bullshit and feeling half-welcome or unwelcome. I forget that church hurt is very valid and relieving church hurt is important. I also forget that while it seems like my organization is focused on middle-upperclass white people, many more people will be impacted by positive changes in the Lutheran church. The ELCA becoming more inclusive will have global implications. In addition, other denominations will be affected. In addition my organization is committed to being an anti-racist organization, and they are trying to include bisexual and trans people, and these are all good things. Basically, I feel better and while I'm sure I'll need to keep reminding myself not to compare any of our jobs since they all are important, I think I'm doing well on that front right now.
Ok. Epic post done. I'm gonna head home and have dinner.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
One Day of Work Left...
The internet in my house went out earlier this week. I don't know what happened to it, it's strange, I can pick up the wireless signal, it just won't connect to the internet. So I've been coming to the magpie to feed my internet addiction.
News in life.. Tomorrow is my last day of work. I'm excited. Rex is a great kid, I'm going to miss him, but I am ready for LVC. I am both excited and nervous for orientation. I'll get to see Kristin again, and I haven't seen her since our re-entry meeting I think. I'll get to visit with Meghan for an evening, also a good thing. I'm also excited to meet my housemates. I'm also nervous about that. I still haven't heard anything from anyone but the housemate who initiated emailing with her question about crock pots. Then I sent an email where I came out in addition to responding to the crock pot question. And then silence. No one else has emailed. Oh well.
I wasn't expecting anyone to say anything about the trans stuff, but I was expecting them to at least introduce themselves. I guess it might be a little overwhelming, maybe they felt the best thing to do was just not say anything. I tried to keep it simple, mainly just because I wanted to inform them before orientation. I didn't get into the fact that I don't see myself as "a man" but that I feel more like not woman, not man, mainly because I didn't want to make the email a soapbox for me to talk about trans activism.
I'm also looking forward to working for LC/NA. The whole gay-for-pay thing is pretty exciting. Unless there's some jekyll and hyde stuff going on at the office, my co-workers are all really awesome people.
I'm thinking about starting some video blogs, aka "vlogs" to document transition since I'm planning on starting hormones. The one hitch in this plan is that I don't have a camera and purchasing one would involve spending money. So we'll see. I'm gonna start looking around for cheap cameras, maybe see if I can find a used one online.
That's another thing I'm extremely excited about. Transition. Throughout the summer, I've been struggling with family, and I'm sure it will be a continued struggle, but if it's possible for me to start hormones without going broke, I'm doing it. Ideally, my insurance from LC/NA will cover it so all I need to pay is a small co-pay. If that doesn't work out, I'll be fundraising and it'll happen somehow.
I've been dogsitting this past week for my roommate's dog. He's a good dog and all, but I'm glad she's coming home today. I haven't been getting nearly enough sleep because he barks, or growls, or pokes his nose in my face throughout the night. So here's to a full night's sleep coming my way.
Tonight I'm off to make pad thai with Sam. Well, maybe some other food, but last time we discussed it we were gonna make pad thai. We're also going to finish the last half of "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" which we didn't finish last week mainly because I crashed and needed to go sleep.
News in life.. Tomorrow is my last day of work. I'm excited. Rex is a great kid, I'm going to miss him, but I am ready for LVC. I am both excited and nervous for orientation. I'll get to see Kristin again, and I haven't seen her since our re-entry meeting I think. I'll get to visit with Meghan for an evening, also a good thing. I'm also excited to meet my housemates. I'm also nervous about that. I still haven't heard anything from anyone but the housemate who initiated emailing with her question about crock pots. Then I sent an email where I came out in addition to responding to the crock pot question. And then silence. No one else has emailed. Oh well.
I wasn't expecting anyone to say anything about the trans stuff, but I was expecting them to at least introduce themselves. I guess it might be a little overwhelming, maybe they felt the best thing to do was just not say anything. I tried to keep it simple, mainly just because I wanted to inform them before orientation. I didn't get into the fact that I don't see myself as "a man" but that I feel more like not woman, not man, mainly because I didn't want to make the email a soapbox for me to talk about trans activism.
I'm also looking forward to working for LC/NA. The whole gay-for-pay thing is pretty exciting. Unless there's some jekyll and hyde stuff going on at the office, my co-workers are all really awesome people.
I'm thinking about starting some video blogs, aka "vlogs" to document transition since I'm planning on starting hormones. The one hitch in this plan is that I don't have a camera and purchasing one would involve spending money. So we'll see. I'm gonna start looking around for cheap cameras, maybe see if I can find a used one online.
That's another thing I'm extremely excited about. Transition. Throughout the summer, I've been struggling with family, and I'm sure it will be a continued struggle, but if it's possible for me to start hormones without going broke, I'm doing it. Ideally, my insurance from LC/NA will cover it so all I need to pay is a small co-pay. If that doesn't work out, I'll be fundraising and it'll happen somehow.
I've been dogsitting this past week for my roommate's dog. He's a good dog and all, but I'm glad she's coming home today. I haven't been getting nearly enough sleep because he barks, or growls, or pokes his nose in my face throughout the night. So here's to a full night's sleep coming my way.
Tonight I'm off to make pad thai with Sam. Well, maybe some other food, but last time we discussed it we were gonna make pad thai. We're also going to finish the last half of "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" which we didn't finish last week mainly because I crashed and needed to go sleep.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Facebook is stupid.
Last week after I got home from Hearts on Fire I finally got up the nerve to change my name on facebook. I had been putting it off for some time because my siblings, father, and some people from my parents congregation are all friends with me on facebook and I didn't want to cause any massive freakouts and whatnot. I got back to town and was doing the whole "look for people I just met on facebook" thing. I must've been on some sort of LC/NA HoF induced high because I decided that it would be a brilliant idea to just change my name, and hope that either a) no one noticed or b) someone would ask me and we'd have this deep, connected conversation where they would instantly understand trans issues and be completely supportive of me.
Needless to say, neither of these things happened. Instead, Wednesday when I was at work hanging out with Rex I called up my mother to ask her if she had found the star wars soundtrack at home so I could make a copy for Rex to listen to while we played star wars. No, she did not find the soundtrack. However my father (of all people) noticed that I changed my name to Dylan on facebook. She proceeded to become very upset, inform me that my parents don't support me in this, that my insurance policy is still under Amy, and that I shouldn't be changing my name on facebook because it's not true. Also, I was informed that I need to tell my parents at every step of the way every little decision I make concerning transition. In addition, she went off on Thomas Beatie (aka the Pregnant Man) and how that was confusing and was "it" a man or a woman, and that it just wasn't natural. Basically, I think she needed to vent a lot of her frustration and confusion.
However, I was at work. I was tired, I had been sick the day before, and I didn't really expect my parents to notice that I changed my name on facebook before my siblings did. I should've responded better than I did. My response was initially to explain that I know my insurance and legal documentation is all under Amy, but facebook is a social networking site and I want to socially network in my preferred name. What threw me was her launching into the diatribe about Thomas Beatie, and the fact that my mother, who I typically consider to be a very intelligent woman, hadn't taken the time to get past the sensationalistic aspect of the story and was trying to compare my experience to his experience. In the end, I got defensive with my mother, and told her I couldn't continue the conversation because I was defensive and unable to be open to talking with her.
I get frustrated because I don't know how to not feel attacked when I talk to my parents about trans issues. I also get frustrated because I feel like I have to be more calm, collected, and informed than my parents. In addition, I get frustrated because I feel like I have to continually be educating my parents. I give them information, books, websites, and pamphlets, but it seems like they don't take the initiative to read them or discuss them with me.
In the end, my slightly immature solution was to unfriend my father, siblings, cousins, and church folk on facebook. I probably should've just left everything as is, because people are going to learn about it eventually anyways. It just seemed the easier route to take at the time when I was upset and angry.
I don't know how to handle talking with my family about transition gracefully.
Needless to say, neither of these things happened. Instead, Wednesday when I was at work hanging out with Rex I called up my mother to ask her if she had found the star wars soundtrack at home so I could make a copy for Rex to listen to while we played star wars. No, she did not find the soundtrack. However my father (of all people) noticed that I changed my name to Dylan on facebook. She proceeded to become very upset, inform me that my parents don't support me in this, that my insurance policy is still under Amy, and that I shouldn't be changing my name on facebook because it's not true. Also, I was informed that I need to tell my parents at every step of the way every little decision I make concerning transition. In addition, she went off on Thomas Beatie (aka the Pregnant Man) and how that was confusing and was "it" a man or a woman, and that it just wasn't natural. Basically, I think she needed to vent a lot of her frustration and confusion.
However, I was at work. I was tired, I had been sick the day before, and I didn't really expect my parents to notice that I changed my name on facebook before my siblings did. I should've responded better than I did. My response was initially to explain that I know my insurance and legal documentation is all under Amy, but facebook is a social networking site and I want to socially network in my preferred name. What threw me was her launching into the diatribe about Thomas Beatie, and the fact that my mother, who I typically consider to be a very intelligent woman, hadn't taken the time to get past the sensationalistic aspect of the story and was trying to compare my experience to his experience. In the end, I got defensive with my mother, and told her I couldn't continue the conversation because I was defensive and unable to be open to talking with her.
I get frustrated because I don't know how to not feel attacked when I talk to my parents about trans issues. I also get frustrated because I feel like I have to be more calm, collected, and informed than my parents. In addition, I get frustrated because I feel like I have to continually be educating my parents. I give them information, books, websites, and pamphlets, but it seems like they don't take the initiative to read them or discuss them with me.
In the end, my slightly immature solution was to unfriend my father, siblings, cousins, and church folk on facebook. I probably should've just left everything as is, because people are going to learn about it eventually anyways. It just seemed the easier route to take at the time when I was upset and angry.
I don't know how to handle talking with my family about transition gracefully.
Monday, July 7, 2008
San Francisco
I got back last night/early this morning from San Francisco. It was a really great week. Long and exhausting, but great.
I met a lot of amazing people, had some great discussions, and some downright silliness. I got to see a close friend who I haven't seen in a year. I also was in the church that they filmed the funeral scene from rent in so that was cool.
I think one of the most enjoyable parts of the week was being called Dylan by everyone, and not needing to worry about the name issue. I also really enjoyed hearing Gene Robinson speak, and also John Selders. I would go more into all of this.. but I'm tired and can't really process this all right now.
So yeah.. Lutherans Concerned conference was good, even though some of us joked about our hearts being on fire with the heartburn of the lord.
Tonight I'm gonna shower and go to bed early cause I did not get nearly enough sleep. Soon to come, some reflections on Lutheranism. woo.
I met a lot of amazing people, had some great discussions, and some downright silliness. I got to see a close friend who I haven't seen in a year. I also was in the church that they filmed the funeral scene from rent in so that was cool.
I think one of the most enjoyable parts of the week was being called Dylan by everyone, and not needing to worry about the name issue. I also really enjoyed hearing Gene Robinson speak, and also John Selders. I would go more into all of this.. but I'm tired and can't really process this all right now.
So yeah.. Lutherans Concerned conference was good, even though some of us joked about our hearts being on fire with the heartburn of the lord.
Tonight I'm gonna shower and go to bed early cause I did not get nearly enough sleep. Soon to come, some reflections on Lutheranism. woo.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
whiney post
I feel like shit today. My back hurts like hell from wearing my binder and my cursed quickly arriving menstruation. (For reference, the -ed in cursed should be emphasized curs-ED. May not be grammatically correct, but so much fun to say). Said binder is also rather difficult to remain cool in during the summer, and also rather difficult to feel physically comfortable. I much prefer fall and spring weather when I can still wear hoodies and long sleeve shirts without frying. I usually feel grossly fat and unattractive in summer because my breasts just feel way more prominent than in the winter when I can hide them under more layers. I'm aware that neither of those statements are true, I'm just saying that's how I feel.
I'm getting nervous about the conference in San Francisco. I wish I could put my finger on what exactly has me freaked out, but so far it's remained pretty difficult to determine. I just feel this vague sense of dread. I'm kinda nervous that the Lutherans Concerned people won't like me, will think I'm a horrible person to pick as their intern, and that all the "youth" in the session I'm co-leading will think I'm weird in a bad way.
I finished a rather horrible book yesterday from the public library called "The Left Hand of Darkness." I just didn't really get into it. The author was trying to (I think) make the point that having a society in which the social differences between men and women will be erased only when men and women share child-care equitably, and trying to point out how incredibly important one's sense of gendered self is in most societies on earth. I just felt it was rather heavy handed and utilized ideas about what gender is and how we are gendered that I just don't really agree with. Oh well.
On a less narcissistic note, came across this story about a pro-life congressional candidate in Oregon whose not-so-pro-life past actions have come to light. *headshake* Funny how that works. On the topic of abortion, I got into an interesting conversation with one of the kids here at summer seminars about abortion. He is Catholic, and follows the Vatican's opinion on abortion. Maybe it's just a warning of things to come with LC/NA, but I found it was extremely difficult to discuss abortion with him without getting upset and shutting off while remaining open and listening to him. I just feel like most debates about abortion or lgbt issues and the church are just circular arguments where both sides end up saying the same things with no real progress. Granted, I'm biased, and for me progress is people against abortion or lgbt rights or women's rights realizing that they should shift, not me recanting my ideas.
I'm getting nervous about the conference in San Francisco. I wish I could put my finger on what exactly has me freaked out, but so far it's remained pretty difficult to determine. I just feel this vague sense of dread. I'm kinda nervous that the Lutherans Concerned people won't like me, will think I'm a horrible person to pick as their intern, and that all the "youth" in the session I'm co-leading will think I'm weird in a bad way.
I finished a rather horrible book yesterday from the public library called "The Left Hand of Darkness." I just didn't really get into it. The author was trying to (I think) make the point that having a society in which the social differences between men and women will be erased only when men and women share child-care equitably, and trying to point out how incredibly important one's sense of gendered self is in most societies on earth. I just felt it was rather heavy handed and utilized ideas about what gender is and how we are gendered that I just don't really agree with. Oh well.
On a less narcissistic note, came across this story about a pro-life congressional candidate in Oregon whose not-so-pro-life past actions have come to light. *headshake* Funny how that works. On the topic of abortion, I got into an interesting conversation with one of the kids here at summer seminars about abortion. He is Catholic, and follows the Vatican's opinion on abortion. Maybe it's just a warning of things to come with LC/NA, but I found it was extremely difficult to discuss abortion with him without getting upset and shutting off while remaining open and listening to him. I just feel like most debates about abortion or lgbt issues and the church are just circular arguments where both sides end up saying the same things with no real progress. Granted, I'm biased, and for me progress is people against abortion or lgbt rights or women's rights realizing that they should shift, not me recanting my ideas.
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