This evening was the L Word season premier. It was good, though Jenny came back and is in her full evil bitch glory. I was hoping being stuck on a raft would've amended her personality a little bit. Oh well.
I think the most interesting part, for me, was when Alice was interviewing Phyllis about "coming out" later in life. Max was filming for Alice, and Phyllis had asked a question about what the T in LGBT stood for. Max explained that it was for trannies, transgender people, and talked about why he had decided not to go through with his surgery. Then Alice says that they're getting a little off topic for "Our Chart" and Max is like, why? If it's Our Chart then it's for all of us, and Alice was like ok yeah it's for everyone, but implied that everyone meant bisexuals and lesbians. Erg. I hate that shit.
I think one of the things that irritates me about how the L Word handles Max and the plot issues around him is that many of the characters aren't consistent in how they react to Max. At one time, they will be great, and understanding and then they'll come out of nowhere and say something stupid. Like people on Our Chart wouldn't be interested in why Max chose not to have surgery.
You know, I also realized when I was watching the show how easily I get sucked into it. Even more so than Weeds, which is a pretty amazing show. I just get sucked in to the drama and a really shouldn't as much. *sigh* I'm still hoping that Bette and Tina end up together again. Or that Tina finds someone fantastic. Also hoping that Carmen comes back but that is unlikely.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Beirut
Today I bought all the Beirut music I could off of iTunes. I've been listening to it while I've been double checking my LVC application. I love their music. It just fills me with a sense of.. happiness. It's not overly joyful music, just.. good music.
Anyways. I'm nervous about my LVC application. I still haven't heard back yet from my third reference person.. to make sure she's turned it in and all. I know that I could always just turn my application in during the second round. But I really would rather go in the first round just so if I for some reason don't get in will be able to plan for something else for next year fairly easily.
Anyways. I just thought you all should know that Beirut is an amazing group of musicians. So go listen.
Anyways. I'm nervous about my LVC application. I still haven't heard back yet from my third reference person.. to make sure she's turned it in and all. I know that I could always just turn my application in during the second round. But I really would rather go in the first round just so if I for some reason don't get in will be able to plan for something else for next year fairly easily.
Anyways. I just thought you all should know that Beirut is an amazing group of musicians. So go listen.
cops!
So tonight we had two run ins with the police. Well you can't really call them run ins, but they were entertaining. I was hanging out with Taryn and Haley for the evening. First, we were at the Market, sitting, having a beer and all the sudden five cops walk in to the bar, and one of them comes up to me and asks for my ID. I'm 22, so all clear. Anyways, he looks at my ID, flexes it a little, looks at the picture, looks at me, looks at the picture again, looks at me before smiling and saying "have a nice evening." The cops check a few more IDs and then leave.
Second incident, we're driving back and Haley's going a bit fast on college drive, and we get pulled over. She was the designated driver, which was good. Either way, she tells the cop she has to reach into her back pocket to get her ID, so he has her step out of the car, asks her if she's been drinking, does a quick sobriety test, checks her license, and luckily she gets away with just a warning about speeding.
Two cop incidents in one night. Dang. I have to say, both times they were very friendly cops at least.
anyways. we just finished watching Better than Chocolate. I also had a strange incident where my RA told me that if she was gay she'd fuck me cause I'm hot but she loves dick. So entertaining. My RA is hilarious when she's been drinking.
Either way. I'm gonna go drink another glass of water and crash. It's been an exciting day.
Second incident, we're driving back and Haley's going a bit fast on college drive, and we get pulled over. She was the designated driver, which was good. Either way, she tells the cop she has to reach into her back pocket to get her ID, so he has her step out of the car, asks her if she's been drinking, does a quick sobriety test, checks her license, and luckily she gets away with just a warning about speeding.
Two cop incidents in one night. Dang. I have to say, both times they were very friendly cops at least.
anyways. we just finished watching Better than Chocolate. I also had a strange incident where my RA told me that if she was gay she'd fuck me cause I'm hot but she loves dick. So entertaining. My RA is hilarious when she's been drinking.
Either way. I'm gonna go drink another glass of water and crash. It's been an exciting day.
Friday, January 4, 2008
class, day two
Today in the discussion section of our class we broke up into small groups. In the group that I was in, there were two football players, and three other people. I'll be honest, I don't like most male jocks, mainly football, wrestling and baseball. I don't mind cross country runners of ultimate frisbee folk. Anyways. So there are these two football guys in my discussion section. It bothers me that I feel timid around hyper masculine jocks. I don't like to have discussions, I feel nervous around them. I'm not afraid of them in a corporal sense, but I am afraid of engaging in discussion with them. And that really bothers me.
First issue, I know that I am stereotyping them as insensitive, conservative assholes. I am not giving them a chance to debate what they believe, I just assume they don't value the same things I value. Second issue, I let my notion of these guys determine my actions. I don't debate for what I value as strongly and I use different rhetoric than if I was in different company. I noticed that I wasn't even making eye contact with them.
I need to work on this. I shouldn't feel nervous about talking in front of them, I shouldn't ever feel apologetic for what I value and believe in, and I shouldn't make assumptions based on my first impression of someone.
Anyways. So class went alright. My cluster is having "drunk to dinner" night followed by a circle of death tournament. I am going to need to pace myself. I feel like I will instead go to dinner slightly buzzed, and save the intoxication for later.
First issue, I know that I am stereotyping them as insensitive, conservative assholes. I am not giving them a chance to debate what they believe, I just assume they don't value the same things I value. Second issue, I let my notion of these guys determine my actions. I don't debate for what I value as strongly and I use different rhetoric than if I was in different company. I noticed that I wasn't even making eye contact with them.
I need to work on this. I shouldn't feel nervous about talking in front of them, I shouldn't ever feel apologetic for what I value and believe in, and I shouldn't make assumptions based on my first impression of someone.
Anyways. So class went alright. My cluster is having "drunk to dinner" night followed by a circle of death tournament. I am going to need to pace myself. I feel like I will instead go to dinner slightly buzzed, and save the intoxication for later.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Back at Luther, Day One
Today I have been a getting things done machine. First off, I got up and went for a walk around town, which is lovely, albeit a little cold and windy. I cleaned my room a little bit, which was necessary. I played my guitar a little bit and wrote most of a song, it needs a little work. Then I went to class, which was an interesting experience.
I am taking a Paideia Capstone course called "Osama, Obama and Clinton: Race, Gender and Nationalism in U.S. Politics." It is taught by Kim Powell and Pamela Cook, so it should be a good time. They both love to assign readings though, so I will have much more work this Jterm than last Jterm. Last Jterm I took Recording Original Music and basically got to play guitar all January. Anyways, the course basically examines the construction of race, gender and nationality in U.S. politics, focusing on the 2008 presidential elections. The first half of the course we are examining the political concepts of freedom, citizenship, equality and democracy. The second half of the course we are digging into election topics, such as health care, education, environment, national security, policies in the Middle East, etc. We were divided up into small groups, and each group is responsible for following one candidate and learning about their position on every issue. My group's candidate is Fred Thompson. Woohoo.
After class I went to the Union, bought my one book for the course, and visited the Diversity Center. I got to be part of a student group trying to convince a woman who is finishing her doctoral work in sociology to come teach at Luther for a year next year. She seemed like a very intelligent person. She'll be graduating from UW-Madison, and focusing on comparative sociology. Her doctoral work was comparing museums in the U.S. and in South Africa, looking at what gets exhibited, the politics behind exhibitions, the historical context of the situations documented, etc.
So far this evening I have
1. Sent a CD to a friend
2. Sent out all of the reference forms to my references
3. Printed off my readings for tomorrow
4. Watched a few youtube speeches to prepare for the caucus
5. Watched my sister march in the high school band in the London New Year's Parade. They rocked. Or maybe I should say "rawked." Either way, it was good stuff.
6. Called my parents
- took care of my psychiatric bill from when I went to Gundersen Lutheran
- they are mailing me my landlord letter that I forgot
- checked in with them about the dogs and such
7. Procured a summer job. I will be working for Ruth, I get to be Rex's nanny for the summer. I am very excited. I will get paid to play outside all summer. I will still need to get a 10 hour a week job at Luther in order to get the discounted housing rate, but that shouldn't be a problem. I can just work evenings and weekends in the cafeteria. Or I can do custodial work.
So. Now it is 5:20 in the evening. I am going to start on my readings and do that for an hour before going over to Valders to get my caucus on. In case you were interested, I will be caucusing for Kucinich first, and if he is not a viable candidate, I will then be caucusing for Obama.
I am taking a Paideia Capstone course called "Osama, Obama and Clinton: Race, Gender and Nationalism in U.S. Politics." It is taught by Kim Powell and Pamela Cook, so it should be a good time. They both love to assign readings though, so I will have much more work this Jterm than last Jterm. Last Jterm I took Recording Original Music and basically got to play guitar all January. Anyways, the course basically examines the construction of race, gender and nationality in U.S. politics, focusing on the 2008 presidential elections. The first half of the course we are examining the political concepts of freedom, citizenship, equality and democracy. The second half of the course we are digging into election topics, such as health care, education, environment, national security, policies in the Middle East, etc. We were divided up into small groups, and each group is responsible for following one candidate and learning about their position on every issue. My group's candidate is Fred Thompson. Woohoo.
After class I went to the Union, bought my one book for the course, and visited the Diversity Center. I got to be part of a student group trying to convince a woman who is finishing her doctoral work in sociology to come teach at Luther for a year next year. She seemed like a very intelligent person. She'll be graduating from UW-Madison, and focusing on comparative sociology. Her doctoral work was comparing museums in the U.S. and in South Africa, looking at what gets exhibited, the politics behind exhibitions, the historical context of the situations documented, etc.
So far this evening I have
1. Sent a CD to a friend
2. Sent out all of the reference forms to my references
3. Printed off my readings for tomorrow
4. Watched a few youtube speeches to prepare for the caucus
5. Watched my sister march in the high school band in the London New Year's Parade. They rocked. Or maybe I should say "rawked." Either way, it was good stuff.
6. Called my parents
- took care of my psychiatric bill from when I went to Gundersen Lutheran
- they are mailing me my landlord letter that I forgot
- checked in with them about the dogs and such
7. Procured a summer job. I will be working for Ruth, I get to be Rex's nanny for the summer. I am very excited. I will get paid to play outside all summer. I will still need to get a 10 hour a week job at Luther in order to get the discounted housing rate, but that shouldn't be a problem. I can just work evenings and weekends in the cafeteria. Or I can do custodial work.
So. Now it is 5:20 in the evening. I am going to start on my readings and do that for an hour before going over to Valders to get my caucus on. In case you were interested, I will be caucusing for Kucinich first, and if he is not a viable candidate, I will then be caucusing for Obama.
Sunday, December 30, 2007
apathy and boredom in mequon
The boredom has really only struck today. And it's only apathy in the sense that I reached the point of boredom where I don't really want to do anything. Well, more like nothing sounds interesting even though I am open to the idea of doing something. Instead I've been reading, playing mahjong on the internet and taking care of the poodles. I also did go for a walk which was nice. And it wore out Zeus which is also good. It's not fun to deal with an energetic poodle in show cut.
I'm reading a Tom Robbins novel today, or attempting to. It's called Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates and is fairly good. After reading a few Tom Robbins novels I've come to the conclusion that readers either love the books or hate them, and that he probably writes while under the influence of some sort of mind altering substance. In either case, I can really only handle reading him for 20-30 minutes at time, then I need to take a break. Which is actually what I'm doing right now. I've been meaning to blog for the past few days, but just haven't done it so I figure now is as good a time as any.
Anyways. On Wednesday my friend Sumner came up to visit for a few days. We played a lot of guitar, watched a few movies, went to the guitar center and played their guitars, generally had a good time. She actually ended up staying an extra night because we had a ridiculous amount of snow, so that was fun too. We recorded a song as well, but unfortunately my computer is being an angry teenager and corrupted one section of the vocals. *sigh*
Yesterday a friend of mine who graduated from Luther last year was in town for a wedding. Well, the wedding was today, but she got her yesterday and we got to hang out. We drove downtown to Brady Street, which was an adventure in and of itself. We went to my favorite coffee shop/tea house in the world (Rochambo's), ate dinner at the Apollo Cafe, and went on a quest for boots for Katie. She wanted leopard print boots, which we didn't find, but we found her some kickass boots at Mr. Shoe instead. We also went to the Exclusive Company, which is a new and used music and movie store. They have an excellent collection of records, but I don't have a record player. It's still fun to browse. Later on in the evening we went to the midnight showing of the Princess Bride. We went with some of my good friends from high school who I haven't seen in a year or so because of extenuating circumstances. Mainly that Luther has Jterm and many other schools don't.
Today I downloaded the soundtrack to the movie Juno from iTunes. It is quite excellent, so much so that I am going to turn this blog post into a mammoth by including the track list. So, great joy was had while I brushed the dogs, drank my tea, and listened to this soundtrack.
01. "All I Want Is You" Barry Louis Polisar
02. "Rollercoaster" Juno Film Version - Kimya Dawson
03. "A Well Respected Man" The Kinks
04. "Dearest" Buddy Holly
05. "Up The Spout" Mateo Messina
06. "Tire Swing" Kimya Dawson
07. "Piazza, New York Catcher" Belle & Sebastian
08. "Loose Lips" Kimya Dawson
09. "Superstar" Sonic Youth
10. "Sleep" Instrumental - Kimya Dawson
11. "Expectations" Belle & Sebastian
12. "All The Young Dudes" Mott The Hoople
13. "So Nice So Smart" Kimya Dawson
14. "Sea of Love" Cat Power
15. "Tree Hugger" Kimya Dawson and Antsy Pants
16. "I'm Sticking With You" Velvet Underground
17. "Anyone Else but You" The Moldy Peaches
18. "Vampire" Antsy Pants
19. "Anyone Else But You" Ellen Page and Michael Cera
I've been thinking more about tranny gender stuff. I am not nearly as stressed about it as I was when I last posted about such things. I've been realizing that I don't need to get so bent out of shape all the time. Sometimes it's good to be struggling with all of the issues that go into the situation, and sometimes it's even better to just try and live. I mean, at the end of the day I want to be happy with who I am. And most of the time I am happy with who I am as a person, so I shouldn't get so uptight about what body I'm in. Don't get me wrong, as soon as I get the money together the breasts will be gone. I just don't need to get worked up about all of it in the meantime.
I have also been realizing that since I've started down this path of genderqueer tranny-ism I have changed. This is thrown into sharp relief when I come home from college, visit my relatives, even when I hang out with friends who aren't quite up to date on my adventures in the world of gender identity. It's a rather strong metaphor, but it's almost as if I have two personas, Amy and Dylan. I'm not becoming schizophrenic, but it does feel different interacting with people who know me as Dylan or know that I'm changing my name to Dylan and people who only know me as Amy and don't necessarily even know I like primarily like dykes. I'm a lot less angry and frustrated with the world, which is a relief. I've become more calm, more sure of myself as a person. I've also become less cocky, which I think is good. Either way. I'm getting to a good place with myself.
Right now I'm trying to decide what to do with the rest of my evening. I'm thinking a little reading, letting the dogs out one more time, maybe some more tea and a movie. I also would like to point out that I've been writing the post (albeit while taking a bathroom break, playing a few internet games and chatting with folk online) for the past hour and a half. Ridiculous.
Well. I think that's everything for this blog post. I'll leave you with a Tom Robbins quote from Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates.
"The Devil doesn't make us do anything. The Devil, for example, doesn't make us mean. Rather, when we're mean, we make the Devil. Literally. Our actions create him. Conversely, when we behave with compassion, generosity and grace, we create God in the world"
I'm reading a Tom Robbins novel today, or attempting to. It's called Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates and is fairly good. After reading a few Tom Robbins novels I've come to the conclusion that readers either love the books or hate them, and that he probably writes while under the influence of some sort of mind altering substance. In either case, I can really only handle reading him for 20-30 minutes at time, then I need to take a break. Which is actually what I'm doing right now. I've been meaning to blog for the past few days, but just haven't done it so I figure now is as good a time as any.
Anyways. On Wednesday my friend Sumner came up to visit for a few days. We played a lot of guitar, watched a few movies, went to the guitar center and played their guitars, generally had a good time. She actually ended up staying an extra night because we had a ridiculous amount of snow, so that was fun too. We recorded a song as well, but unfortunately my computer is being an angry teenager and corrupted one section of the vocals. *sigh*
Yesterday a friend of mine who graduated from Luther last year was in town for a wedding. Well, the wedding was today, but she got her yesterday and we got to hang out. We drove downtown to Brady Street, which was an adventure in and of itself. We went to my favorite coffee shop/tea house in the world (Rochambo's), ate dinner at the Apollo Cafe, and went on a quest for boots for Katie. She wanted leopard print boots, which we didn't find, but we found her some kickass boots at Mr. Shoe instead. We also went to the Exclusive Company, which is a new and used music and movie store. They have an excellent collection of records, but I don't have a record player. It's still fun to browse. Later on in the evening we went to the midnight showing of the Princess Bride. We went with some of my good friends from high school who I haven't seen in a year or so because of extenuating circumstances. Mainly that Luther has Jterm and many other schools don't.
Today I downloaded the soundtrack to the movie Juno from iTunes. It is quite excellent, so much so that I am going to turn this blog post into a mammoth by including the track list. So, great joy was had while I brushed the dogs, drank my tea, and listened to this soundtrack.
01. "All I Want Is You" Barry Louis Polisar
02. "Rollercoaster" Juno Film Version - Kimya Dawson
03. "A Well Respected Man" The Kinks
04. "Dearest" Buddy Holly
05. "Up The Spout" Mateo Messina
06. "Tire Swing" Kimya Dawson
07. "Piazza, New York Catcher" Belle & Sebastian
08. "Loose Lips" Kimya Dawson
09. "Superstar" Sonic Youth
10. "Sleep" Instrumental - Kimya Dawson
11. "Expectations" Belle & Sebastian
12. "All The Young Dudes" Mott The Hoople
13. "So Nice So Smart" Kimya Dawson
14. "Sea of Love" Cat Power
15. "Tree Hugger" Kimya Dawson and Antsy Pants
16. "I'm Sticking With You" Velvet Underground
17. "Anyone Else but You" The Moldy Peaches
18. "Vampire" Antsy Pants
19. "Anyone Else But You" Ellen Page and Michael Cera
I've been thinking more about tranny gender stuff. I am not nearly as stressed about it as I was when I last posted about such things. I've been realizing that I don't need to get so bent out of shape all the time. Sometimes it's good to be struggling with all of the issues that go into the situation, and sometimes it's even better to just try and live. I mean, at the end of the day I want to be happy with who I am. And most of the time I am happy with who I am as a person, so I shouldn't get so uptight about what body I'm in. Don't get me wrong, as soon as I get the money together the breasts will be gone. I just don't need to get worked up about all of it in the meantime.
I have also been realizing that since I've started down this path of genderqueer tranny-ism I have changed. This is thrown into sharp relief when I come home from college, visit my relatives, even when I hang out with friends who aren't quite up to date on my adventures in the world of gender identity. It's a rather strong metaphor, but it's almost as if I have two personas, Amy and Dylan. I'm not becoming schizophrenic, but it does feel different interacting with people who know me as Dylan or know that I'm changing my name to Dylan and people who only know me as Amy and don't necessarily even know I like primarily like dykes. I'm a lot less angry and frustrated with the world, which is a relief. I've become more calm, more sure of myself as a person. I've also become less cocky, which I think is good. Either way. I'm getting to a good place with myself.
Right now I'm trying to decide what to do with the rest of my evening. I'm thinking a little reading, letting the dogs out one more time, maybe some more tea and a movie. I also would like to point out that I've been writing the post (albeit while taking a bathroom break, playing a few internet games and chatting with folk online) for the past hour and a half. Ridiculous.
Well. I think that's everything for this blog post. I'll leave you with a Tom Robbins quote from Fierce Invalids Home from Hot Climates.
"The Devil doesn't make us do anything. The Devil, for example, doesn't make us mean. Rather, when we're mean, we make the Devil. Literally. Our actions create him. Conversely, when we behave with compassion, generosity and grace, we create God in the world"
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Eve service
We just got back from the Christmas Eve service at church. For some reason, attending church at home has the ability to bring out these strange Mary Daly-esque ideas and urges in my head. Church other places, I'm fine. Church at Christ Church in Mequon, Mary Daly sneaks out of whatever deep crevice in my brain I've hid her and starts whispering in my ears. Stuff like "all religion is patriarchal and evil," "remember that sermon on homosexuality pastor gives? all these people think you're gonna burn in hell because you are unnatural and sinful," "jesus was poor and even if he was god he wouldn't have come just to give all you wealthy people more money. blessed are the poor means people who aren't going home to open piles of presents." and "look at how those hymns tie masculinity to dominance and control." And I try to tell her to shut up and go away and just let myself enjoy being with my family. I think about Christmas's past. And I try to ignore my sister asking me why I'm not singing, why I'm not going up for communion.. etc. But sometimes she just slips through anyways.
Tonight some of it might be the fact that I had to wear a particular pair of flared black pants that my mother strongly encouraged me to purchase under duress. So I had been a little irritable to start with. The whole experience caused me to break into tears in Macy's to give you an idea of the situation. It was later that day that I ended up coming out to my parents (again). Still. I have the pants. And it's not physically the pants themselves, its just the memory of the buying situation and the fact that my mother insists on telling me how nice I look in them. I keep wanting to tell her "Mom, no matter how often you tell me I look nice as a girl, or how happy I seemed as a child, I don't want to 'just be a lesbian' so please stop it." But I think that would be the wrong response.
One of my favorite Christmas memories was when we lived in Ohio and the Sunday School kids all put on a Christmas pagent. I got to be Herod and I think it was my favorite church play role ever. I got to wear a green toga, a nifty belt, a crown of fake leaves, and sandals. My one line was "There shall be a census." I was pretty proud of my 12 yr old gender bending self.
Either way. We're off to the annual church Christmas party that occurs between services. Hurray.
Tonight some of it might be the fact that I had to wear a particular pair of flared black pants that my mother strongly encouraged me to purchase under duress. So I had been a little irritable to start with. The whole experience caused me to break into tears in Macy's to give you an idea of the situation. It was later that day that I ended up coming out to my parents (again). Still. I have the pants. And it's not physically the pants themselves, its just the memory of the buying situation and the fact that my mother insists on telling me how nice I look in them. I keep wanting to tell her "Mom, no matter how often you tell me I look nice as a girl, or how happy I seemed as a child, I don't want to 'just be a lesbian' so please stop it." But I think that would be the wrong response.
One of my favorite Christmas memories was when we lived in Ohio and the Sunday School kids all put on a Christmas pagent. I got to be Herod and I think it was my favorite church play role ever. I got to wear a green toga, a nifty belt, a crown of fake leaves, and sandals. My one line was "There shall be a census." I was pretty proud of my 12 yr old gender bending self.
Either way. We're off to the annual church Christmas party that occurs between services. Hurray.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
