RNC March

Yesterday I went with some of my friends to the March on the RNC against the war. According to some estimates, there were anywhere from 2,000 to 10,000 protestors. I think there were definitely more than 2,000 people there. I would guess there were probably 8,000 to 10,000 people all told during the march itself. The Star Tribune article I found does a good job of laying out what happened.

Anyways. So yesterday morning I walk down to the Capitol with a friend, run into two people from one of the other LVC houses, and meet up with a few other friends. We decide to march with/near the Youth Against War and Racism group and just generally hang around until the march starts. The crowd gathered on the lawn by the state capitol was peaceful, and fairly diverse. There were Somali protestors, Ethiopian protestors and Oromo protestors. There was a contingent from the Poor People's Economic Human Rights Campaign They're also marching today, though it's while I'm at work. In addition there was an immigrant rights coalition, veterans for peace, codepink, a revived SDS group (Stop the War! Yes we can! SDS is back again!), a smattering of anarchists, and a handful of Ron Paul supporters.

A series of people took the microphone on stage, and honestly, most of them were not very inspiring. Around 12:45 we start lining up and around 1:15 we started marching to the Excel Center. I really enjoyed the march. It was fantastic that there were families, grandparents, veterans, teenagers, college students and all sorts of people marching. There were some excellent chants. I particularly enjoyed "war is not pro-life" and "ya, you betcha, war makers we're gonna getcha!" So we got as close to the Excel Center as they would let us, and then we were corraled and turned around through a big metal caged in corridor that directed us back towards the capitol. I was amazed at the amount of police force present around the perimeter of the march. There were squads of officers in riot control gear, many cops on bikes, a horseback division, and police on foot. I didn't see or hear of any police with dogs though so that's good.

The portion of the march I attended was peaceful. About half way through my back freaked out and as soon as we could cut through a side street, my friend and I headed back to my house. I have never had that much back pain before, it was awful. Apparently we just missed the violent part of the protest. Windows were smashed, bricks thrown, delegates spit upon, and clashes with the police ensued.

Honestly, I think what saddens me is that the violent protests often negate the positive effect that a peaceful march can have. Overall, I also think that one issue the Left has with organizing is that we often protest as many different contingents for many different things. I do have to hand it to the Right, even though they don't agree on many things, they find a few issues they do agree on and toe the party line. The Left on the other hand, tends to splinter off into our individual issues. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, we just don't do a good job of supporting each other. Even at the march, there were some chants that I didn't think were effective. For example, one had a section "we say no to the RNC." The Republicans have the right to assemble, to officially pick their candidate and all of that jazz. We might not like it that they're in our city, and at the march many of us disagree with their politics. Nonetheless, that sort of sentiment only makes all of the protestors look a little ridiculous. Also, if you're an anarchist or want to overthrow the government or what not, I can understand how that chant would be more meaningful to you. However, the march was to protest about the war that we're involved in, it was a coalition effort. We should try to stand for something together that we all agree on.

Anyways. I should get back to work since the Many Stories, One Voice conference was cancelled and we are now hosting the Lutherans Concerned/North America leadership retreat and board of directors meeting here.

The Weekend

I had a bit of an eclectic weekend. First off, on Friday I got out of work early and biked over to Minneapolis to hang out with Quaking Aspen. I ended up getting confused and biked all the way to Lake Calhoun, which is about 9 miles from my house. So that was neat. After calling and biking back and getting more confused I actually managed to get to the appropriate place so that was cool. I got home without incident which was also cool.

We then went to our host family/contact family's house for dinner. That was a good time. Tasty vegetarian food, and we got a free book about churches being fully inclusive that David wrote. Molly and I attempted to find the Triple Rock Social Club in Minneapolis but failed. Which apparently should've been hard to do. Anyways, instead we went back to the house and had some vodka and grape juice and watched the first half of The Birdcage.

Saturday I cleaned out the closet in the back hall and turned it into a pantry so we don't have food all over the table in the kitchen. I get a lot of satisfaction out of organizing things, so that felt good. I went and used the internet and did some reading, then in the evening I rode the bus over to Minneapolis and walked around Uptown for a while before heading back home.

Sunday my whole house went to St. Paul Reformation church because they are our host congregation. They were really excited to have us there. I feel like some of them will be kind of bummed when we don't all go regularly, if any of us go regularly. I did some laundry and cleaned my room then went over to May Day Cafe and met up with Meghan. It was good to hang out with her, as usual, and I got to see her later that evening as well. Dinner, house meeting, then I went to the Townhouse with Meghan and Krista, we met up with a bunch of other people. We were really the only people there aside from a handful of regulars, which was ok. Meghan introduced me to Susan, a drummer in the area who could be a good addition to SFO once we are finally in the same area again.

So the past few days, especially after our first day of work, I've been thinking about my LVC position versus the jobs my housemates have. Initially, on Thursday and Friday I was feeling a little down on myself. Generally, I kept thinking that the work my housemates will be doing will be more helpful, it provides direct services or helps organize people and that my job is helping middle and upperclass white mainly gay and lesbian Lutherans feel comfortable at church. However, I have a brilliant friend who told me "is spiritual suffering not real?"

Upon further contemplation I realized that I tend to forget how much the church hurts people, how much the church has hurt me. I left the church for several reasons, but a main one was that I was tired of the bullshit and feeling half-welcome or unwelcome. I forget that church hurt is very valid and relieving church hurt is important. I also forget that while it seems like my organization is focused on middle-upperclass white people, many more people will be impacted by positive changes in the Lutheran church. The ELCA becoming more inclusive will have global implications. In addition, other denominations will be affected. In addition my organization is committed to being an anti-racist organization, and they are trying to include bisexual and trans people, and these are all good things. Basically, I feel better and while I'm sure I'll need to keep reminding myself not to compare any of our jobs since they all are important, I think I'm doing well on that front right now.

Ok. Epic post done. I'm gonna head home and have dinner.

One Day of Work Left...

The internet in my house went out earlier this week. I don't know what happened to it, it's strange, I can pick up the wireless signal, it just won't connect to the internet. So I've been coming to the magpie to feed my internet addiction.

News in life.. Tomorrow is my last day of work. I'm excited. Rex is a great kid, I'm going to miss him, but I am ready for LVC. I am both excited and nervous for orientation. I'll get to see Kristin again, and I haven't seen her since our re-entry meeting I think. I'll get to visit with Meghan for an evening, also a good thing. I'm also excited to meet my housemates. I'm also nervous about that. I still haven't heard anything from anyone but the housemate who initiated emailing with her question about crock pots. Then I sent an email where I came out in addition to responding to the crock pot question. And then silence. No one else has emailed. Oh well.

I wasn't expecting anyone to say anything about the trans stuff, but I was expecting them to at least introduce themselves. I guess it might be a little overwhelming, maybe they felt the best thing to do was just not say anything. I tried to keep it simple, mainly just because I wanted to inform them before orientation. I didn't get into the fact that I don't see myself as "a man" but that I feel more like not woman, not man, mainly because I didn't want to make the email a soapbox for me to talk about trans activism.

I'm also looking forward to working for LC/NA. The whole gay-for-pay thing is pretty exciting. Unless there's some jekyll and hyde stuff going on at the office, my co-workers are all really awesome people.

I'm thinking about starting some video blogs, aka "vlogs" to document transition since I'm planning on starting hormones. The one hitch in this plan is that I don't have a camera and purchasing one would involve spending money. So we'll see. I'm gonna start looking around for cheap cameras, maybe see if I can find a used one online.

That's another thing I'm extremely excited about. Transition. Throughout the summer, I've been struggling with family, and I'm sure it will be a continued struggle, but if it's possible for me to start hormones without going broke, I'm doing it. Ideally, my insurance from LC/NA will cover it so all I need to pay is a small co-pay. If that doesn't work out, I'll be fundraising and it'll happen somehow.

I've been dogsitting this past week for my roommate's dog. He's a good dog and all, but I'm glad she's coming home today. I haven't been getting nearly enough sleep because he barks, or growls, or pokes his nose in my face throughout the night. So here's to a full night's sleep coming my way.

Tonight I'm off to make pad thai with Sam. Well, maybe some other food, but last time we discussed it we were gonna make pad thai. We're also going to finish the last half of "Priscilla, Queen of the Desert" which we didn't finish last week mainly because I crashed and needed to go sleep.

more poetry

egotism

Last night I was having some trouble sleeping so I did what I usually do when I can't sleep, I read. First I finished reading Sex Changes: Transgender Politics by Patrick Califia. Good times. Then I started reading "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey.

Basically, the book is about is six weeks in a drug and alcohol abuse treatment center. He had been drinking since the age of 10, doing drugs since 12, and got really fucked up. He landed in the treatment center at the age of 23. However, everything he said happened didn't really happen how he said it did, according to some of the people who knew him and were there. So basically, how much leeway do you have with creative nonfiction?

Aside from the problems of how "real" his memoir is, I found the book interesting. Partially because the whole AA twelve step thing supposedly didn't work for him, mainly because he felt that you were just replacing your addiction to drugs and alcohol with an addiction to Meetings and God. Instead, a book his brother gave him called Tao Te Ching was what helped him the most. "Lose everything you know and everything you desire and ignore those who say they know. Practice not wanting, desiring, judging, doing, fighting, knowing. Practice just being. Everything will fall into place."

That makes a lot of sense to me. Don't worry about the good and the bad, just be. I especially enjoy the section where he talks about how opposites define each other, dichotomies create themselves. In particular the quote "need and depend create and define each other." If you don't depend on anything or anyone you won't need anything or anyone. If you don't need anything or anyone you won't depend on anything or anyone. And when you are able to not need or depend, you are able to just enjoy life for what it is. It makes everything seem so much less complicated than it really is. I realized that that's where a lot of dysfunction in our lives comes from, needing and depending.

Now, while this is all well and good, I also was wondering why I feel compelled to read books like this. I felt the same way when I read the book "wasted" about a woman's lifelong struggle with severely disordered eating in addition to drugs and alcohol. I think there's some unfortunate part of me that secretly enjoys reading these books not because it shows me the depth of human suffering or because I empathize with their experiences but because I can look at how fucked up other people are and be glad that I'm not nearly that fucked up, and I'll never be that fucked up. I think that's actually part of the reason why books like that are so popular, because it allows affluent people to feel reassured in how no matter how screwed up their relationships maybe be, at least there are people more fucked up than them. And people write them, and end up fabricating events that didn't even happen, and it's all part of this weird twisted voyeurism of wanting to see people at their absolute worst. It kinda freaks me out.

Anyways, if I were capable of completely letting go of my wants and desires, if I could just be, I feel like I would live my life better and be a better person to others.

visiting alyssa

I had an interesting experience today. I ate lunch with Alyssa, a girl who transferred away from Luther. She know attends Concordia University Wisconsin which is strangely enough located in my hometown. She went to Luther for two years before transferring away, for several reasons, one of them being that Luther was too liberal for her. The fact that Luther is RIC disturbs her. Well, actually, she didn't know it was RIC until after she transferred, which is entertaining to me. I mean, Luther has been RIC since the 90s. I think it was possibly the first congregation in Iowa to go RIC.

Nonetheless. I'm not exactly sure where she stands, but I'm fairly certain that on some level, Alyssa thinks that queerness is morally wrong. Mainly because of several comments she's made when we've talked. For example, she was telling me about a debate she had in her political science course. She was debating "homosexual marriage" and her group's opening argument was that while homosexuality is wrong according to the Christian tradition, that that shouldn't mean that "homosexuals" shouldn't have equal rights. (To give you an idea of the kind of university she attends, in these debates people whipped out their bibles. Seriously? A political science debate where bibles are brought up as evidence?) Interacting with her is just strange. She has never said anything directly to me about my queerness, she has several close friends who are gay, yet there was the whole comment about her debate, and the fact that Luther's congregation was too liberal for her.

I think what confuses me is that I can't really place her. I'm not used to people who are morally opposed to queerness interacting with queers without either insulting them or trying to cure them or both. It's refreshing that she believes what she believes without trying to push it on to the queers. In some ways, she's being a lot more tolerant than a lot of queer people. I think that's another reason that I am slightly unsettled by my interactions with her. Many queer people are completely intolerant of people who think that queerness is morally wrong. And for me, this is where it gets complicated. Clearly, I want people to accept me and not think that I am a sick and twisted individual. On the other hand, I also don't want to force people to believe something. Just because I believe that I am "right" in this situation, does that make it appropriate for me to say that others beliefs aren't valid? Really, I just want people to be nice to each other. I am not being extraordinarily coherent, I realize that. If any of you have thoughts on the topic, let me know.

the L word season premier

This evening was the L Word season premier. It was good, though Jenny came back and is in her full evil bitch glory. I was hoping being stuck on a raft would've amended her personality a little bit. Oh well.
I think the most interesting part, for me, was when Alice was interviewing Phyllis about "coming out" later in life. Max was filming for Alice, and Phyllis had asked a question about what the T in LGBT stood for. Max explained that it was for trannies, transgender people, and talked about why he had decided not to go through with his surgery. Then Alice says that they're getting a little off topic for "Our Chart" and Max is like, why? If it's Our Chart then it's for all of us, and Alice was like ok yeah it's for everyone, but implied that everyone meant bisexuals and lesbians. Erg. I hate that shit.
I think one of the things that irritates me about how the L Word handles Max and the plot issues around him is that many of the characters aren't consistent in how they react to Max. At one time, they will be great, and understanding and then they'll come out of nowhere and say something stupid. Like people on Our Chart wouldn't be interested in why Max chose not to have surgery.
You know, I also realized when I was watching the show how easily I get sucked into it. Even more so than Weeds, which is a pretty amazing show. I just get sucked in to the drama and a really shouldn't as much. *sigh* I'm still hoping that Bette and Tina end up together again. Or that Tina finds someone fantastic. Also hoping that Carmen comes back but that is unlikely.