learn from the mistakes of others

It is a horribly stupid idea to read the book "love is a mix tape" by rob sheffield when you've recently broken up with someone you had a long term relationship with. It's an even worse idea to read it while it's raining. I am willing to bet it will make you feel like shit. Also a bad read if your significant other has died recently I would think. It's about how Rob, the author, met Renee, his wife. They get married after a year, then five years after that she dies instantly one morning of a pulmonary embolism. Rob's life goes to shit for a few years. And that's what the whole book is about. To add an extra twist of the knife it's interspersed with track lists from different mix tapes he and Renee had made. It's just fucking depressing. If you are an idiot and happen to read the book, there really isn't anything to be done but maybe sneak a few shots of vodka out of your parents' stash and try and read something cheerful and optimistic. Or dry and boring.

The Scarring Party

So The Scarring Party. I have recently discovered them, thanks to Mugsie. They've basically created a new genre of "end time music." They're dark, a little macabre, and the lead singer uses a home made copper microphone that makes him sound like an old victrola record. And there's a banjo, an accordian, and a tuba. What's not to love?

Happy Solstice

Happy Solstice everyone. The days are only getting longer from here. More sunlight, hurray!

Juno and other stuff

Today I saw the movie Juno with my friend Mugsie. We originally were trying to go see the annual showing of "It's a Wonderful Life" at The Times but unfortunately the people that gave them the rights to play I Am Legend said they couldn't play any other movies while I Am Legend was running. So sad days. We ended up going to Mayfair Mall, where I bought new earrings and got a third hole put in my ear lobes. We wandered around before deciding to see Juno at the AMC theater in the mall.

I haven't enjoyed seeing a movie in theaters that much in a long time. For one thing, within the first 5 minutes of the film I developed a slight crush on the character of Juno, played by Ellen Page. I think it was the rainbow belt and the liter of sunny d. The film basically follows her teen pregnancy in the town of Dancing Elk, Minnesota after she seduces her best friend Paulie Bleeker, played by Michael Cera. She ends up deciding not to abort the baby, and is planning on giving it to this supposedly perfect couple who live in St. Cloud. The movie is full of wonderful one-liners, phones shaped liked hamburgers, and is set in Minnesota so go Midwest. While it has dark moments and does cover the touchy subject of teen pregnancy and teens having sex, it also does a good job of not being too heavy handed about the subject. It also has one of the best soundtracks I've heard in a while, featuring Belle and Sebastian and the Mouldy Peaches.

I also went to the library today to pick up some books. I have been extraordinarily bored in Mequon. I picked up two Tom Robbins novels, Book Lust, Love is a Mix Tape and the Unbearable Lightness of Being. So hurray for the library. I also paid my sister's 25 cent library fine. I am such a wonderful sibling.

When I was driving through Thiensville to the library I noticed that there is a new store open, a record shop. I am planning on stopping by tomorrow after going to the high school where I hope to help out with stage crew again. Last Saturday going in was fun. I saw Randy, and also just enjoyed being backstage again. The crew they have right now is slightly pathetic honestly. Not that we were all mature and intelligent individuals at all times when I was in high school stage crew. The difference seems to be that we were passionate and wanted to do the best job we could possibly do, while the crew that they have now is just kinda there to mess around.

I actually realized that it's entirely possible that I figured out what I love to do in high school and that going to college and getting a degree in sociology and women and gender studies might not have been the best course of action. I mean, I do enjoy sociology and women and gender studies. I have loved being at Luther, and I have become a much more intelligent person by going to college. But I also realized that I was happy doing stage crew, and I excelled at it. So it's a good thing I'm seriously considering going to Full Sail after doing LVC.

Anyways. If you have the money to spare on a movie in the theaters, I really do suggest going to see Juno. At least go rent it when it comes out on DVD. And check out the soundtrack, for it is a collection aural delight.

a list of recent discoveries

1. I just discovered Google Reader today and it is a lovely thing. Basically, you subscribe to all of the blogs you read by entering in their urls, and it will tell you when it's updated and you can either read it in reader, or go to the page. I realize that I'm a little slow on the technological update, but I am still very excited about it.

2. Sumner has convinced me, I do believe that the Taylor 810ce is quite possibly one of the most wonderful guitars. When we went to the cities we got to stop in a Guitar Center and played on the acoustics. It was good times. I also am fiercely coveting an acoustic bass guitar. I still need to look around and compare before I know which one exactly. All of this guitar talk is actually quite useless because I am not going to be able to afford another guitar in a long time. But it's fun to dream

3. I am really not looking forward to writing my senior paper. I know, it's nothing like writing a thesis or a dissertation, and as long as I start working on it in January (or even over break) I will be fine. Still doesn't mean that I actually want to research and write the damn thing.

4. I lost my library card to the Mequon-Thiensville library and there is no record of my ever having a card. Which is rather astonishing considering the amount of time I spent at that library when I was younger. It's ok, my sister was with me so I could use her card.

5. Facebook a tetris application. I am going to have to delete it when I go back to school if I am ever going to complete homework next semester.

6. Finally, I need to make myself go interact with people more often and remember that my friends actually do like me and aren't going to suddenly start disliking me if I ask them if they want to hang out. I feel happier when I interact socially, which isn't a novel concept but one that is good to remember. So, if anyone in the Milwaukee area wants to hang out, get coffee, go to the art museum, whatever, let me know.

more stuff i've been thinking about

Ok, so this is gonna be another one of those tranny posts. I seem to be making a lot of them lately, but I've been thinking about it a lot so I suppose the tranny posts will happen. I am currently reading "Sex Changes: Transgender Politics" by Patrick Califia, and it's giving me a lot to think about. The chapter about violence, legal battles, all of that depressing stuff made me tear up.

Honestly, I am getting a little overwhelmed. I feel like I'm stuck. Not stuck in the wrong body, just stuck. I got to a point where I was able to say yes, I want to have top surgery and now I need to wait to save up the money, get the letter, schedule the surgery, all of that. It will be several years, at the least.

I feel like I am thinking about it all the time and it's starting to feel detrimental to my ability to function. Sometimes I just want to put it all away for a few years, and then when I have more resources, dust off the whole tranny thing and worry about all of this then. I don't think I can continually rehash money, family issues, surgery, therapy, legal issues, all of it and be ok. I'm exhausted by continually questioning myself.

End result, I don't think I'm gonna finish the Califia book right now. Instead I'm going to re-read the Golden Compass. Or maybe watch crappy TV and knit.

drive through banking

I have to say that the best part of my day was when I went to deposit my paychecks at the bank in the drive through. I drive up, put my deposit slip and checks into the little canister, they whoosh away and the bank teller does her bank teller thing. On a sidenote, when I was little I thought the whooshing canister system was the coolest thing ever. It seemed like something out of a fantasy/sci-fi book and I wanted one in our house so my brother and I could zoom messages to each other.
Anyways, so the bank teller gets me stuff out, gets the cash back for me and says "is there anything else I can do for you today?"
"No, that's all, thank you"
"Is Amy in the car with you, sir?"
"No, that's me.."
At this point the bank teller, stands up and kinda peers over the edge of the counter inside the bank, looks at me really hard, and you can see the lightbulbs going off in her head.
"Oh! Well, I'm sorry, you know these intercoms and all... well.. have a nice day!"
I pull away, laughing extremely hard. I'm pretty sure the people in the lane next to me thought I was a little psychotic.

I also had a really good conversation with my sister today. She just got her temporary license and she likes to drive whenever she can. My parents are going out to dinner this evening with some friends, so Natalie and I went to subway for dinner, then got coffee at Starbucks before driving over to drop her off at her friend's house. Anyways, we talked and had a real conversation. About Rob, about driving, about alcohol and drugs actually, about the boy she dated for three weeks this summer (woah high school drama), and about our parents. It was really enjoyable because usually all I can get out of her are monosyllabic answers or rants about "why do you have to be so weird."
I'll leave you with some direct quotes from our conversation. =)
Natalie: Your shifter is so difficult to use sometimes.
Me: It's easier if you hold it from the bottom instead of manhandling it from the top.
N: I like manhandling things
Me: You would.
N: I am like, all over your car.
And then we don't get out coherent words for a few minutes cause we are laughing too much.